Tammy Dunn, AS in early childhood education, is the director of Luv ’n Fun childcare centers in Portland, Oregon, and Vancouver, Washington.
Franji Mayes, BMus, serves as the director of education for Parents of Kids with Infectious Diseases.
It’s OK to be creative when planning time with God.
Have you ever thought, “Honey, I don’t know you anymore. Why did we get married anyway?”
I went back to work after my son was 20 months old. That was over 12 years ago. Today my son is 13, and my daughter is 10. Since I began to work, I have completed an associate’s degree in early childhood education, and I am one class away from a bachelor’s degree in business administration. Finally, I just celebrated my 15th anniversary of being married to the love of my life.
Finding balance between all these elements in life has been a challenge. When things are out of balance, relationships—especially marriages—suffer. I attribute the success of my marriage and family life to priorities that make sense. I don’t view my marriage as a part of my life separate from the others, but as a relationship that takes place within the context of the other relationships. That is, you can’t look at the marriage relationship without looking at the other relationships in your life with which it balances.
“Honey, I don’t know you anymore. Why did we get married anyway?”
Relationship with God
As a Christian, my relationship with God is central to my life. Revolving around that relationship are the next three most important relationships in my life: my marriage, my family, and myself. Determining our most important relationships is fairly easy. The hard part is actively planning how to go about maintaining and enriching these relationships in our busy and hectic lives.
Because the Christian walk with God truly is a relationship and not just the act of following a set of rules, it is vital that I view God as the most important person in my life. This isn’t always easy; God is unseen in a life that is full of deadlines and stresses that are more easily seen! But He is our Savior and the lover of our souls. Our job—our privilege—is to continually seek His desire for our lives.
It’s OK to be creative when planning time with God. We tend to see the traditional act of spending time with God as getting up early in the morning, reading the Bible, and praying. If this doesn’t work for you, don’t beat yourself up about it! What’s important is the quality of the time you plan.
Creative ways to spend time with God:
- Listen to worship music while sitting in traffic.
- Pray while exercising.
- Read the Word while on a break having that cup of coffee.
- Keep an inspirational devotional book in the bathroom.
When all is said and done, we want to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
Relationship of Marriage
Your children will know that you love them by the time you spend with them, not by what you buy them or where you take them.
Bottom line: If you don’t plan time with your spouse, it won’t happen. Some people cringe at the idea of planning time with their spouse because they view it as reducing this all-important relationship to another item on the daily schedule. But really, the opposite is true: you plan something because you want to be sure it gets done. A good recipe for getting time for just the two of you is one night a week and four weekends a year. When planning your weekly time together, remember to (1) commit to a time and (2) keep it simple.
Some couples commit to a regular day and time, but others may need a more flexible schedule. Some can plan a regular night for weeks in advance, while others may need to take it one week at a time. Talk about your schedules to figure out what works best for the two of you.
Keep it simple when planning your night or weekend. What’s important is the quality of the time. Will the night you plan enrich your relationship by allowing you to connect with each other? Is the activity one that both of you will enjoy and feel comfortable doing?
Ideas for your weekly time together:
- Play a game.
- Watch a movie.
- Grab some ice cream and enjoy eating it in a park.
Ideas for your weekend together:
- Go camping.
- Drive to the next town and check into a hotel that has a pool or Jacuzzi tub.
- Visit a bed-and-breakfast.
- Go hiking.
- Visit a museum.
Ideas for creative babysitting:
- Find another couple who would be willing to watch your kids in exchange for your watching their children in the future.
- Invite your child’s friends over; your child will enjoy interacting with the friend while you and your spouse focus on each other.
- Ask Grandma and Grandpa; they’re typically very willing to hang out with their grandchildren.
I would also encourage couples to read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (Chicago, IL: Moody, 1996) and to discover their spouse’s love language. Many times, we show our love to our spouses in the way we want to receive love from them; what we need to do is ask ourselves, “How does my spouse want to be loved?”
Other Family Relationships
It’s important to be sure your marriage relationship is healthy, because your relationships with your children and other family members living under your care can only be as healthy as your marriage. It has been said time and again that you have to spend time with your children, and it’s still true. It’s hard in these days of expensive technology and the rising cost of gas to be creative when thinking of ways to spend time together as a family. But again, the quality of the time is what’s important. Your children will know that you love them by the time you spend with them, not by what you buy them or where you take them.
Ideas for spending time together:
- Have a game night.
- Turn off the TV and read together.
- Play soccer, croquet, basketball, or Ping-Pong.
- Go to a park and play on the jungle gym.
- Take a walk or ride bikes on your neighborhood trails.
Time for Self
If you’re not healthy, then chances are your relationships with your spouse and family are also suffering. Popular magazines tend to emphasize the “self ” too much, but it’s easy for us as Christians to fall into the trap of believing that caring for ourselves is selfish. The key word is balance. If your health is poor or you feel mentally frazzled, you might need to take some time to care for yourself. Some things to remember when planning time for yourself include the following:
- Don’t be afraid to get a checkup from a counselor. Don’t we get our cars tuned up when something isn’t working right?
- Treat yourself with respect. As Christians, we know that we are made in the image of God and He deems us worthy of His love. Others are more likely to respect you if you show respect for yourself.
Ideas for cultivating a healthy relationship with yourself:
- Enjoy a quiet time: just sit, watch, and listen to nature and life around you.
- Get a manicure or pedicure.
- Grab a coffee.
- Take a walk.
- Call a friend.
- Do some manual labor, such as gardening or even baking. Manual labor has gotten a bad rap for being unpleasant, but it can be satisfying to work with your hands, letting your mind wander and then stepping back to enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Taking Time to Reconnect 8.2